


Notice me, Evan Hansen.

by LoggedOff



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Fluff, M/M, No backstory we vague like men, Sensory Overload, Tree Bros, Vague mention of self harm, angst with a side of fluff, dear evan hansen - Freeform, hand holding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-18 18:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10622760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoggedOff/pseuds/LoggedOff
Summary: Have you ever gone swimming, and one moment you’re fine and the next moment your foot has slipped and you’re under the water. All you can think of is that you need air. Your heart is pounding. You panic and splash and flail until finally you find your footing, your head is above water and your lungs finally fill.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s some garbage I threw together in like half an hour about Evan having Sensory Overload because I love projecting my own problems onto these characters. Yeet,

 

Have you ever gone swimming, and one moment you’re fine and the next moment your foot has slipped and you’re under the water. All you can think of is that you need air. Your heart is pounding. You panic and splash and flail until finally you find your footing, your head is above water and your lungs finally fill.

That’s how it felt for Evan Hansen as he shoved through the doors of his school one day. He didn’t know where he was going he just knew he had to get away. Away from the noise. But everywhere he went there was more noise.

Outside it was gray, wet, and deserted. It had been raining for the better part of the morning and if the thunder in the distance was any indication it would rain again. School was still in session and Evan couldn’t tell if that was better or worse.

Each drop of rain dripping off the roof, sounding like a drum. Every drop pounding in his ears and echoing in his brain. The wind rattling the leaves, the sound of cars whooshing down a nearby highway. It was all too much. The sounds and noises amplified in his brain. It was too much; all of it was too much. He needed to breathe. So he ran. He went as far as his legs would take him. They gave out as he rounded the school; knees hitting the dirty pavement behind the school.

His skin felt too tight for his body, and he just wanted to escape, to claw himself out of here.

He scratched his nails over his arms, and tried to suck in some air. Squeezing his eyes shut. The cold pavement digging into his knees through his jeans, the smell of the rain, the drip drip drip of water off the roof. All too much. All to loud.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there when a hand lands on his shoulder making him jump.

“Whoa there are you okay?”

Evan opened his eyes looking up. Connor Murphy was kneeling in front of him the heavy warm weight of his hand on Evan’s shoulder.

“What are, um, what are you doing here?” Evan said cringing at how loud his voice sounded echoing off the stone walls of the school.

“I was coming out of the bathroom when I saw you run out of class. Are you crying?”Evan hadn’t realized he had been. The wet feeling of tears now becoming evident. The sound of Connor’s voice was too loud; the hand still on his shoulder was too heavy.

“Can you maybe not talk so loud, and maybe not touch me right now?” Evan whispered.

“Sorry. Sorry” was Connor’s whispered apology dropping his hand “but you have to tell me if you’re okay and is there anything I can do to help?”

“Why do you care?”

“Why wouldn’t I care? And hey stop that,” Connor whispered back glancing down to where Evan’s fingers were still digging into the skin of his arms, “you’ll hurt yourself.”

“You’re not one to talk about people hurting themselves,” Evan mumbled dropping his hands. He winced as soon as the words left his mouth, “Sorry sorry. I didn’t mean that. That was mean.”

“It’s fine,” Connor said. Evan couldn’t read his expression. “How do you even know about that?”

“You pushed your sleeves up to wash your hands in the bathroom a few weeks ago. And I, uh, I saw.”

“Oh okay,” Connor said still not giving away emotion. He moved to sit next to Evan back against the wall of the school. “What happened to you? You’re changing the subject. Obviously, you don’t have to tell me but I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay. And once you’re breathing isn’t so crazy. For Christ’s sake Evan, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m fine Connor. I just- I just get overwhelmed sometimes okay? And my senses can’t take anymore. Like, with, um, too many lights or sounds or something I just get hypersensitive.’

“Oh. I think I get it a little bit,” Connor said, “Is there anything that will help?”

“I usually just have to ride it out, I’m okay though I promise.” Evan mumbled tugging at the hem of his shirt, “What did you mean when you said why wouldn’t you care?”

Connor sighed and let his head rest against the wall behind him, eyes closing. Apparently satisfied at Evan’s proclamations that he was fine. “I know everyone in this school thinks I’m heartless but I’m really not. Who would just leave you here to cry or whatever?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Evan protested, “I never thought you were heartless It’s just that most people WOULD leave me here to cry. No one takes much notice of me.”

“No one ever notices me either,” Connor mumbled “maybe that’s why I couldn’t just walk away from your sorry ass. Because I know what it’s like to go unnoticed and I don’t want you to feel like that.”

Evan didn’t know what to say. He stared at the profile of Connor’s face. His head tilted up and his eyes still closed. Connor looked almost soft here. Not like something Evan had ever seen before. At least not on Connor.

“Why are you staring at me?” Connor sighed.

Oh, apparently his eyes weren’t as closed as Evan had thought.

“I have,” Evan said his voice unsteady.

“You have what?”

“Noticed you,” He admitted quietly. Quiet enough that he wouldn’t be sure Connor had even heard him if it wasn’t for the way he tensed.

“Have you?” Connor said, obviously trying to make his voice impassive but Evan caught something else laced in his tone he just couldn’t pinpoint what.

“Yes. I’ve noticed all kinds of things about you. I’ve noticed that you don’t like mayonnaise on your sandwiches and that you cut them into triangles and not rectangles. I noticed that you like to read but you try to hide it, and that you always have a book with you. And I’ve noticed that you’re not as angry as you make yourself out to be. You’re just incredibly sad.”

Connor sat up quickly, facing Evan. Evan looked at the ground, refusing to meet his eyes. He said too much he said way too much. Connor was angry he had to be.

“Evan,” Connor said quietly his voice breathless “Please look at me.”

Evan did. He tore his eyes from the pavement and forced himself to meet the stormy grey of Connor’s eyes.

Connor wasn’t angry. Evan didn’t know what he was. He looked open and vulnerable and so much more beautiful than Evan had ever known.

They sat like that for a while. Just looking at each other. Both too scared to break the tension the was crackling between them. Both not wanting to let go of this moment. Because in that moment they understood each other, and understanding wasn’t something either of them had gotten very often.

It made Evan feel bold. Bolder than he has in his life. For once his anxiety didn’t control him, and he reached out his hand. Meeting Connor’s hand and intertwining their fingers. It didn’t feel like too much. It felt like he could breathe. The warmth of Connor’s hand in his own sweaty hand didn’t feel overwhelming it felt right.

He hoped this was okay. He hoped he didn’t read this wrong. He needed this to be right.

Connor smiled. A bright smile. A wide smile that crept it’s way into his eyes. Evan fell in love with that smile almost instantly. All he wanted was for Connor to smile like that forever.

“I’ve noticed you too, Evan Hansen,” Connor said squeezing the hand that was still in his.

Neither of them were letting go anytime soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha, bet you thought I was done with this. Well so did I. Bitch, you thought. Enjoy.  
> I don't have a beta or anything so all mistakes are mine.

"You have?" Evan asked quietly, voice barely above a whisper. This didn't feel real it felt like he was in a dream. He never would have guessed Connor ever even really noticed him, much less have feelings for him.

Connor opened his mouth to reply, cut off by a crash of thunder and the heavens opening up in a downpour of rain. Lucky for them they were sheltered from the onslaught where they were tucked away under the roof of the school. The wailing of the school bell in the background that indicated next period added to the mess.

Connor grimaced staring out at the rain, "We've been out here longer than I thought. We're gonna have to make a run for it."

He stood up and offered a hand out to Evan, "If you're feeling well enough to go back to class anyway."

"Oh, yeah sure, I guess," Evan said taking the proffered hand pulling himself to a standing position. Disappointed at the abrupt end to their moment. He was worried this was it, and that was all he would ever get from Connor. He knew not to get his hopes up anyways. 

He draped his backpack over his arm to try to prevent his cast from getting wet, even though he knew it was probably a moot point. He braced himself for the sprint to the front doors of the school, when Connor wrapped a hand around his upper arm. 

"Evan, wait."

Evan froze turning to meet Connor's eyes, "Yeah?"

"Do you maybe want to-"

"Yes," Evan blurted too quickly, too loudly. Gosh he was so stupid why did he do that? "Uh, I mean, I...yeah," He finished lamely wincing at the sound of his own voice.

Connor's smile had nothing on his laugh. Head cocked to the side, the corners of his eyes crinkling. Full and happy sounding, making Evan feel warm in his belly.

"You don't even know what I was gonna say."

Evan shrugged, "I don't need to."

"Catch you after school then?" Connor asked, still smiling."

Evan nodded, smiling back before taking off into the rain

***

"Where are we going?" Evan asked, struggling slightly to keep up with Connor's brisk pace and longer legs.

It had stopped raining and the sun was starting to peek out from behind the gray clouds. Though the ground was still wet, and the smell of rain was still heavy in the air.

"I already told you. I want to show you something."

"I know, but show me what exactly," Evan said, they were in a part of town he's never really been before. If you go behind the school and go straight you head straight towards farmlands. They didn't even have sidewalks, just a dirt path that Connor marched down; determination set on his face. Evan mourned the loss of his shoes as they sunk into the mud, he really didn't want to splurge on a new pair.

"Just...just trust me for a minute."

And Evan did. Traipsing after Connor in silence for awhile. His school bag feeling heavier with each step. It felt like they had been walking for miles. Connor took a sharp left. Going deeper into a wooded area the path getting ever more overgrown.

Now Evan was starting to worry. Maybe this was a trap. Maybe Connor, as much as the thought made his stomach churn, really was psychotic and was going to kill him. And hide his body in the woods. Evan just hoped someone would make sure his mom knew he loved her, and that he wished had gotten the chance to eat her tacos one last time.

"Okay, come here," Connor said stopping so abruptly Evan almost ran into him.

"W-What?" Evan asked feeling even more nervous than before.

"Relax," Connor said turning to face Evan. Resting his hands on Evan's shoulders, "I'm not gonna hurt you, promise." Connor reassured, staring at Evan a questioning look in his eyes.

Evan swallowed looking up at Connor's face. Why was Connor so tall? And why were his eyes so pretty? And why was he so close to Evan? 

"Okay," Evan said slowly nodding his head shakily, "What do you want me to do?"

"Just, ah, just turn around," Connor said rotating Evan so he was standing with his back to Connor, "Okay just like that." Connor reached around Evan's chest pulling him, gently, back against him, snaking his other hand around to softly cover Evan's eyes. "I just want it to be a surprise, I promise I won't do anything to hurt you."

Evan sucked in some air through his teeth, a blush rising on his cheeks when he was pulled back, flush, against Connor's body. Connors voice in his ear, his breathe ghosting off Evan's neck. 

"It's going against everything my mom told me about personal safety, but...I believe you," Evan said, his voice not quite sounding like him. Too breathy and high, but he wasn't panicking like he ought to be. He felt...safe. Despite all the thing he'd heard about Connor floating around at school, and maybe Connor did do all those things and they weren't right, but be truly believed in this moment Connor wouldn't hurt him.

"Okay. okay," Connor said, sounding breathless himself. This was quickly becoming something more than he originally intended bringing Evan out here. Evan was derailing him faster than he thought possible. "Just walk forward for a bit, I'll lead you."

And they did.

They moved along like that for a bit. In a bit of an awkward shuffle Connor almost cradling Evan as he led him along trying to make sure he didn't fall. 

"Okay," Connor mumbled, unsure of himself now, "We're here, I guess."

"You guess?" Evan chuckled.

"I mean we're here, but now I'm worried you won't like it."

"Well uncover my eyes and I'll tell you."

Connor did. Hesitating for a second before slowly dropping his hand, watching Evan's face.

"Connor...what is this?"

"Oh god," Connor said his voice cracking as he tensed, "you don't like it. I just thought...I mean I know you like trees or whatever, and I wanted to show you that I noticed you, and I used to come here a lot as a kid before it closed. I know it's run down now and I just thou-"

"Shut up, Connor," Evan laughed "I just genuinely couldn't tell what it was for a second."

Now that Evan was looking harder he could make out the rusting iron gate, beginning to be overgrown with vines. He could just barely make out the words "Apple Orchard" under the thick blanket of green. 

Connor knew he liked trees. He put enough thought into Evan liking trees and thought to bring him here. That he thought of Evan at all. The sentiment hit Evan right in his belly making it flutter. 

He could feel his cheeks heat up as he became aware of Connor's arm still around his waist, and that he was pressed up against Connor and that he could feel Connor's heartbeat and it was all a lot for him all at once.

"Connor, this is...I don't know what this is," Evan rambled, "it's really amazing. Thank you for thinking that I would like this. I do, like this, but I like that you thought of me even more."

"Oh thank god," Connor said with a sigh of relief, dropping the hand at Evan's waist in favour of running it through his hair. "You scared me I thought I'd fucked up."

Evan laughed, trying not to mourn the loss of Connor's body heat too heavily. 

"You didn't mess up it's okay, and I definitely didn't mean to make you feel that way, I promise I like it a lot it's really nice,"Evan said words coming out fast and kind of jumbled. He was trying to catch his brain up with his mouth and make sure he didn't say anything stupid but that was probably a lost cause.

"Okay good," Connor said smiling a relieved smile that lit up his whole face. "I thought maybe we could just walk around and talk or something? And you can tell me tree facts."

"Okay," Evan said his excitement was probably evident on his face, but he couldn't be bothered to care. He was in shock at the complete shift his day had taken since this morning. He was miserable then, and now Connor Murphy just wants to walk and talk? With him? No one's ever wanted to do that with him before.

So walk and talk they did. They wandered around the orchard for hours, even though it wasn't growing apples anymore, and was overgrown it was still quite beautiful. Evan rambled on about his summer, his life at the park he worked at, and breaking his arm, what the hospital was like, and how they had to take the x-ray several times because he wouldn't stop shaking because his anxiety was so bad.

Connor didn't say much, seemingly perfectly content with listening to Evan prattle on, showing he was listening with little hums, and adding comment here and there. Walking beside Evan with a soft little smile on his face. And Evan was perfectly happy to fill the silence. No one ever showed interest in what he did just for the sake of it, and it was nice to talk without being interrupted. He knew he wasn't the best talker constantly stumbling over words and what not, but Connor didn't seem to mind.

Eventually they found a spot that the sun had dried fairly nicely so they could sit down. Evan sat crossed legged, pulling on the grass between his legs the evening sun shining on his face. Connor sat next to him with his knees pulled up to his chest. Neither of them talking just enjoying the friendly silence that fell between them.

"I should probably head home soon,"Evan said after awhile, "my mom will wonder where I am if I don't catch her before she goes to work."

"Oh, okay," Connor said softly staring off into the distance.

"Thanks for listening to me talk, like, all day though. It was probably annoying I know, but no one ever really listens to me that much, well, except my mom. But that's my mother and that's different if you know what I mea-" Evan's sentence cut short. His rambling interrupted by the press of Connor's lips against his cheek. 

He whipped his head around, in shock, as one does when they're kissed when definitely not expecting to be kissed. Both of them froze, the tips of their noses almost touching at their close proximity. Evan could feel his face turn red, and he could see a hint of a blush on Connor's cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Connor whispered, not daring to speak ant louder afraid he'd scare Evan away, "I shouldn't have done that without asking."

"It's okay," Evan said his voice copying the whispered tone Connor had set, "I wanted you to."

"Good, because I really wanted to," Connor said, smile blooming on his face. Evan smiled back, and there they sat smiling at each other for who knows how long. Engulfed in the same dreamy feeling they had felt behind the school that morning.

"Will you come back here with me sometime, Evan?" Connor asked eventually.

"I would love to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So??? I guess I'm doing this?? Anyway in this universe Connor hasn't signed Evan's cast (yet??) Or anything like that. And yeah idk it's a special AU where all cards are on the table lmao. I'm changing the rating of this to Teen also. And it MIGHT go up to M but I'll give you a heads up before I do that (IF I do that.)
> 
> If you liked please leave a comment. I love comments so much. Give me that zesty Attention™


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *me whacking my brain with a broom* Stop. Writing. Dialogue.
> 
> Anyways I feel like this chapter is boring and idk if I like it but here ya' go. I've had a bad last two days, but I'll try to do better next chapter.

“You did what?” Jared Kleinman, all but shouted from where he was pacing Evan’s room.

“I know,” Evan whined from where he sat on his bed covering his face with his hands, “It sounds bad.”

“Sounds bad? Sounds bad? Evan you’re insane. You let Connor Murphy take you into the woods for christ’s sake.”

“It wasn’t ”the woods“ it was an apple orchard.”

“It doesn’t matter the point still stands,”Jared said waving his hand, “So, anyways you’re in this Orchard or whatever it is, and he doesn’t try to murder you. So what DO you do? Did you bang him?”

“What? No!,” Evan defended dropping his hands, his face reddening, “It wasn’t like that.”

“Well, the way I see it the only reason two people go off into abandoned places together is to either hide bodies, or bang.”

“Well you’re wrong,” Evan mumbled, “We just…we talked okay? Or well I talked and he listened and it was…really nice.” Evan tried, but he couldn’t really keep back his small smile.

“Aha,” Jared said pointing a finger at Evan, “So you do have feelings for him.”

“I don’t know.” Evan groaned flopping back onto his bed, “that’s why I need your help. Because I don’t know what to do or how I’m feeling about any of this. I just know that when he kissed me it was li-”

“Whoa whoa whoa he kissed you?” Jared asked, incredulous, “We can’t be talking about the same Connor.”

“Shut up,” Evan said glaring at Jared, “It wasn’t an actual kiss it was just on the cheek. It wasn’t anything or maybe it was. I don’t know what it was. I don’t know anything.”

“Okay, dude calm down,” Jared reassured, “What did he do after he kissed you?”

“He asked if I wanted to go with him there again.”

“And did you say yes?”

Evan didn’t respond he just stared at his ceiling until his eyes started to dry out.

“So that’s a yes,” Jared said softly, pausing in his pacing to look at Evan, “Did he say anything to you at school today?”

“He wasn’t at school today,” Evan said dryly. 

“Right,” Jared hummed, “Okay look, Evan, as weird as you are I don’t want to see you get hurt. But I do also want you to be happy. Besides if you find someone you won’t dump all your problems on me. You have to do what your heart is telling you to do. I don’t think I could ever believe Connor is a good dude, but that’s on you. Also if he kills you I want first dibs on your stuff.”

***

Connor hesitated for the umpteenth time, before sucking in a breath and rapping his knuckles on Zoe’s door.

“Come in,” Her voice called out from behind the wood door making Connor hesitate once again before slowly pushing the door open.

“What do you want, Connor? ” Zoe said, warily, looking up from the books she had spread out in front of her.

“I just, ah, I wanted to ask you about something,” Connor mumblde running a hand through his hair.

“Okay what is it?” Zoe asked dryly.

“I just wanted to know how do I, Uh, how do you..”

“Spit it out, Connor. If you’re here to beg me not to tell mom you skipped school today you-”

“You know what? Never mind,” Connor interrupted quickly, turning to walk out of the room.

“No, Connor wait,” Zoe sighed, “Come sit down.”

Connor turned back, awkwardly sitting down on the edge of Zoe’s bed. This was a terrible idea. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had been in here.

“What is it Connor?” Zoe asked gently, setting her pen down, “You can tell me.”

Connor swallowed staring at his hands in his lap.

“What do you do when you like someone?’ He asked after a moment of silence. His voice quiet.

Zoe blinked, a nondescript expression on her face, “I’m sorry what?”

“Yeah, this was a bad idea” Connor said making a move to stand up. Zoe flung a hand onto his knee pushing him back down.

“No, wait stay. I’m sorry,” she said hurriedly, “I just half expected you to be in here high off your ass to patronize me or some shit.”

“I’m really sorr-”

“No forget that we can talk about that later. Do you like someone?” Zoe squealed crossing her legs, and moving her books to the side, patting the bedspread in front of her. “Come on get comfy and give me the details.”

“I don’t think I want to if you’re gonna squeal like that,” Connor mumbled but climbed further onto the bed anyways at the glare Zoe gave him. She scared him a lot more than he’s ever going to admit.

“Okay what’s up?” Zoe asked when they were finally settled.

Connor stared down taking a suddenly great interest in his sister’s purple bedspread. “I don’t know where to begin,” He said quietly, suddenly feeling very vulnerable.

“At the beginning. I won’t interrupt until you’re done,” Zoe said gently. 

“Why are being nice to me?”

“Connor, you’re my brother. You definitely don’t deserve me being nice to you, but I can tell this is really something that’s chewing you up inside. I know you have a lot already going on in that head of yours, and I want to help in any way I can. I know there’s a happy person inside of you somewhere. You used to be happy, and I know you still can be if you just let people in. But that’s not the point of this, now tell me everything from the beginning.”

Connor swallowed hard, dragging a hand down his face, “So, it’s like this…”

 

And Connor told her. From outside the school to the orchard, he told the tale in a flurry of words trying to get it all out before he lost his nerve. He was probably talking way to fast but Zoe did her best to keep up, and not say anything until he was finished.

“So, yeah that’s what happened,” He finished with a sigh.

“I guess, I’m not getting what you need help with,” Zoe said slowly, still processing everything Connor just told her. “First, Evan Hansen actually speaks? He’s been in class with me for years and I’ve heard him talk maybe two times. Second, Aww Connor you do have a soft side. Third, He obviously likes you back, and why didn’t you go to school today don’t you want to see him?”

“Yes, he speaks, don’t call me soft, and I just don’t want to drag him into my shit, Zoe. I’ve liked him for awhile and he’s never noticed me; except that apparently he has. I’m just not used to people liking me, and sooner or later he’ll find out how much work and-” Connor said, voice wavering, as he stared down at his hands, “and he’ll leave, and he won’t like me anymore.”

“Oh Connor come here,” Zoe said gently, reaching out and pulling her brother into a hug. “That’s not going to happen. He won’t dislike you if you let him see the real you. The you that I know you can are under all that crap you haul around inside. Nobody would.”

Connor didn’t know what to say. So, he didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arms around his sister and squeezed her tight.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr and send me prompts. www.daveylovesjack.tumblr.com


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